Day 11

First of all, a moment of silence to remember those lost eleven years ago. We will never forget.

Last night I was just glancing through my news feed on Facebook. I noticed something my sister-in-law had posted. She put that she is glad some people think it is okay to throw her hard earned money down the drain. I clicked on view all comments. Other people had started commenting on her status. They were curious what had happened. At this point I was too. Until I realized that she had been talking about us.

Around a month ago, before we started back up with fertility treatments, my husband’s  family decided to go on a camping trip.  We tentatively said that we were in. My mil knows our situation and what is going on. I had never been a part of any of the conversations about this trip, so as far as I knew we had decided not to go. Apparently my sil didn’t know and booked us all a river rafting trip. If she had called or texted me, I would have gladly given her back the $50 that she was out. I just didn’t realize.

I just don’t understand why she had to air it out for all to see on Facebook. My hubs tried to call his brother, but he didn’t answer. A few minutes after that, she had taken the post down. Her next status said that she was sorry if she upset anyone or stepped on any toes, but feelings are feelings. I have a few feelings of my own right now.

She knows that we have had four losses. I know she is not aware that we are trying again right now. Around the time of the trip I should know whether or not it worked this time. I really don’t want to be river rafting during that time. In my mind I know it wouldn’t hurt a baby, but I am not taking any chances. For someone who has experienced RPL, you always rack your mind trying to figure out if you did anything to cause a miscarriage to occur. I always know it is not my fault, and it could not have been prevented. I just can’t stop thinking about all the things I could have done differently. Well anyway, I am not going river rafting.

I feel like the boy who cried wolf. Instead I am the girl who cried pregnant. I wish sometimes that I had been less open about all this with my family. I feel too vulnerable having shared something so private with them. I guess at the time I felt like I would take all the support I could get. They have not been all that supportive to tell the truth. They just don’t understand. That’s okay. I hope they never have to understand. I don’t want my family to have to change the things they do or say for fear of upsetting poor me. I hate to have to cancel plans. I really wanted to go, and I know I would have had a blast.

Guess it is my turn to air things out over the internet for all to see. At least I am doing it anonymously. Anyone else have to bail on fun family shindigs for stupid infertility crap? Do you let them in on what is going on?

Here is today’s picture.

 Day 11

I love baby feet! These are little dumpling’s feet last week. This week he is over 6lbs. You can do it little buddy! If he comes home in the next three weeks, he will be the first 25 weeker that his primary nurse has ever had to come home before his due date. I am so excited for my bestie to welcome her little miracle home. I can only hope that someday we get to bring a baby home.

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3 thoughts on “Day 11

  1. I’m sorry but whoa. Your SIL sounds like a self obsessed head case. She could have just asked for the $50 and really isn’t there a family float when it comes to sums of money under $100 where you assume that everyone will give and take over the years?

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