We had to let her go. She had liver failure and she was suffering. It was so hard to do, but I know it was the right thing to do. Hubs and I both had tears in our eyes as we said goodbye. RIP my sweet Violet.
Tested this morning. BFN! I am 11 DPO today and should at least get a faint line. I am out this round. We are about to take our sweet kitty to the vet, say a little prayer for her. I am not sure she will be with us much longer.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. On the way home I started to get very nervous about seeing my SIL. She is 16 weeks now and I knew she would be starting to show. I told my husband in the car that I don’t want to hear my MIL complain about being worried she will never get to see the baby since it is still a sensitive spot for me. I can’t listen to that when I know there is a possibility that we wont even be able to have one.
It actually didn’t end up being as terrible as I thought. We headed to Nashville the day before Christmas Eve. We stayed the night at the in-law’s. Christmas Eve we went to my Granny’s. I went early to help her get ready. I haven’t been able to do that the last five years because I worked at the bank and we had to work Christmas Eve. Then I always had to be back at work the day after Christmas. Not having enough time always caused hubs and I to fight. His only family in Tennessee is his immediate family, no grandparents or aunts and uncles. My whole family is here. I grew up living down the street from my grandparents. And my parents are divorced. This creates a lot more stops to make for my side. It makes it seem unfair to him.
We had a blast on Christmas Eve! My grandpa got remote control helicopters. We had so much fun playing with them! We ate some really good food. I spent the entire day there, then we went back to my in-law’s. On Christmas Day I went over to my Aunt and Uncle’s for breakfast. I had a good time there too, but my nerves were starting to kick up again because I knew it wouldn’t be long before it was time to be back at the in-law’s where my SIL would be.
I got back to their house and they pulled up right after I did. I was hoping I could keep myself together. When we all got inside it was great! I was nervous for nothing. I wasn’t even upset at all. I even touched her bump and said hi to my little niece or nephew. I think it is a girl, but we will know for sure on Jan. 9. It was just wonderful. We headed back afterwards and went straight to bed. I slept so good!
The next day we went and saw Les Miserables. I really liked it. I had two favorite parts. When Anne Hathaway sang “I Dreamed a Dream”. SPOILER ALERT!!!!! Her spin on it was so different from the other versions I have seen. It is usually more reminiscent, and lighter. The way she sang it was so dark, and much more emotional. It brought tears to my eyes. It was really amazing. I have seen some reviews that say she can’t sing, but in my opinion, it was good. My second favorite part was when Eponine sang “On my Own”. That is my favorite song.
In other news, I noticed at work the week leading up to ovulation I was peeing a lot. I am guessing that can be a side effect of the Clomid? I got a positive OPK on CD 16. That was December 20th. This entire week I have been going crazy! I have been thinking everything is a symptom of pregnancy. I have about lost my mind! I started testing at 8 DPO. Somebody stop me! I am obsessed. I know it is too freaking early. In my previous pregnancies I have never had a positive test before 11 DPO. I thought I had a faint line yesterday, but I think it might have been an evaporation line.
Last night I had a dream that my SIL was carrying a toddler and was already pregnant again, and there we were still with no baby. This morning I told hubs that I don’t think we are this time. I know I am not out until AF arrives, which should be by Wednesday. I just have a feeling that I am not, even after all the obsessive testing. I went on Thursday and had my mid-cycle bloodwork done. I haven’t gotten the results back, but I am sure my progesterone is low.
We are still keeping all of this a secret from friends and family. I almost spilled my guts to my best friend this week, but I managed to keep my lips zipped. I was hoping that I would be able to make an announcement at our vow renewal ceremony, but since it didn’t work this time I don’t think I will be far enough along to share the news if it does happen before then. I officially bought my dress! I will try to post a picture soon. I also picked out a new ring. I am going to upgrade. I am keeping my original diamond, but I am adding more diamonds around it. I think it will end up being very pretty.
I am going to test again tomorrow at 11 DPO, even though I know it will most likely be negative. I will keep y’all updated.
Let the hot flashes commence. I started Clomid today. We are standing by our decision to keep this to ourselves. It is taking so much of the pressure off! We have been doing a little soul-searching lately. We have decided to stop planning our lives around having a baby. If this experience has taught us anything, it is that we don’t get to decide when to have a baby. I am going to stop keeping a room in my house empty, ready to be a nursery. I am going to put stuff in it! I might even make it into a library. We have also decided that when we purchase our new car we will be getting what we want, not basing it off of whether or not it can comfortably seat a whole family. I can’t keep my life at a stand still waiting for something that might not happen right now. If by some miracle we are able to conceive and carry to term, then we will adjust. Adoption is still an option for later. We are just going to focus on being a couple, being in love, having fun, and being as selfish with our money as we want to be.
Monday was my first day back to work. To say that this week was busy is an understatement. Of course my first week of work had to fall on a week where I had both of my evening classes instead of just the one. I had three weeks to read a book and write a four page paper on it. I didn’t like the book very much, so I was dragging my feet with getting it done. I finished the book on Sunday, then on Monday after my first day of work I spent the evening staring at a blank screen in Word. Tuesday I had class, didn’t get home until 10:30. Went straight to bed so that I would be able to get up for work on Tuesday. Wednesday evening after work I had to finish that paper since it was due Thursday. By midnight I was finished. Thursday after work I went to class. Luckily she let us out at 9:15 ish. Friday at lunch time I was barely hanging on. My period also came this week. At least I know how bad it can be at the beginning of this new phase. I know I can handle it. I can’t worry too much about if my house is spic and span, I have to maintain a balance. Hubs also said he would start helping out with the house chores since I am a working woman now.
Saturday was my friend’s 30th birthday, the one who had the preemie. Her parents, aunts and uncles, and hubs and I had a little surprise shindig for her at her house. I think she had a good time. Her mom had a migraine the night before so she didn’t really stay long, but I told her I really didn’t mind staying to help clean up. Plus I got to snuggle with the babe more since everyone had already left. Hubs helped her husband hang their Christmas lights on the house. They were so grateful for his help.
This morning was the Christmas program at church. We were running a little bit late. When we walked in there were no seats left. Just the bleachers in the back. Meh. I do think it is good that attendance was up. On the way out our pastor said that he is still planning on sitting down and talking with us about our vow renewal, he has just been extremely busy with the holiday stuff. He also just bought a house and has been moving. I don’t mind waiting until after the holidays to sit and talk about it. I still haven’t gone and bought my dress yet, but I will soon. My grandmother is trying to talk me out of it. She doesn’t want me to spend the money on it. It isn’t that much compared to some dresses I have seen. ($600) She said that she paid $300 for my aunt’s wedding dress, and it got sent to the Goodwill. I told her I am going to keep mine. She doesn’t understand that this is the one traditional thing that I want to do for my renewal ceremony that we didn’t do when we got married. I might even buy a cedar hope chest just for my dress. And put it in the empty room in my house. So there.
Well, the buzzer for the clothes in the dryer just sounded. Laundry awaits. Talk to y’all soon. ❤