Retying the knot

Hey y’all. This past weekend was our vow renewal ceremony. It was beautiful and very meaningful for the both of us.

I will add some more pictures of the reception soon!

I also have some news. On April 17th I went to the Dr. to have my mid-cycle blood draw. It was cycle day 25. On Friday the nurse called and said my progesterone was a little low which indicated that I did not ovulate. I just had a feeling that they were wrong, and that I could possibly be pregnant, but I knew it was too early for a positive test. On Saturday we had a service project for church. When we got home I decided to go ahead and test. It was positive. Don’t get excited because I have a part two to this story.

I had some left over progesterone so I went ahead and started taking it since I already knew it was low. I went to the Dr’s office for a beta, which had been repeated two days later. It doubled, so I started to think that this might be it for us, and that we would finally get our miracle.

On Wednesday evening, I started to have a little bit of cramping on the left side. I also started to have severe nausea. I didn’t start to worry until the cramping had me doubled over in pain. I started vomiting every 20-30 minutes. This happened all night. The next morning I went straight to the Dr’s office. By then the cramping had subsided. We had an ultrasound. We saw a tiny gestational sac. We were elated.

Things were peachy until Tuesday evening. I went to class straight from work and on the way I started getting a little crampy on the left side again. It just got worse and worse. People in my class kept asking me if I felt okay. It was extremely embarrassing. I toughed it out until class was over then somehow I managed to drive myself home. When I got home, the vomiting started up again. We called the nurse’s line. They were concerned it may be an ectopic pregnancy, so we went to the ER.

At the ER we had another ultrasound, some bloodwork, iv fluids, and some morphine. The morphine took away my pain for the three hours that we were there. It started to come back as we were being discharged. I was diagnosed with a cyst in my ovary that could possibly be an ectopic pregnancy. Also my hcg levels had dipped down to 6, which meant we were losing this baby too. I couldn’t even process anything emotionally because physically I was still in so much pain.

I continued to be in pain for the rest of the week. I was still not able to keep anything down. My Dr. saw me a few times to keep an eye on things in case it was ectopic. I had also been prescribed hydrocodone. On Friday evening our whole family was here for our vow renewal that was to take place on Saturday. I didn’t want to cancel because I really needed to be surrounded by my family.

My husband and I walked down the aisle hand in hand. It was a really beautiful moment. My emotions were overwhelming. I am not a big crier, but I shed a couple of tears. Especially during our vows when he said the part about “in sickness and in health”. It made me think about how much he had proven those exact words to me over and over in the past week alone.

When we got back to our house for the reception, I had to keep excusing myself to go throw up. Despite that fact, our reception was still filled with so much joy and love. The flowers, food, and decorations were gorgeous. I am so grateful for our family and friends for being here for us, and for pitching in with the cleanup. They have no idea how much it meant to me.

On Sunday, I finally started to feel better. I have felt a little better each day. I have one more Dr. appointment this week, but I think it is safe to say that it is not ectopic. This is our fifth miscarriage. It is time for me to be done. This decision has brought me so much peace. Hubs thinks I will change my mind. I already know that I wont. I can’t go through this again.

Our vow renewal started a new chapter in our lives. Now we know that we will never have our own children.We WILL be parents though. We are going to explore other options for building our family.Hubs is not quite ready to cross this path. I just hope that his desire for his own child doesn’t outweigh his love for me.I could never see that happening, but it is still something that I worry about.



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