All systems are go

Hubs took a half day off today to take me to the Dr since I was a little worried about what she would say. My TSH level was at 3.27, which is in the normal range. When TTC though, she likes to see TSH at a 2 or below. I had read this before on a website, so I am extremely thankful she is willing to help me correct it. She put me on Synthroid. She said it can take up to six weeks to start working and bringing my levels down, but we are free to try again. When my period starts in a couple of weeks, we will start our next round of Clomid.

In the back of my mind I am wondering if this has something to do with all of our miscarriages. I think the combination of all of these things will help us get our miracle baby! So correcting the thyroid, taking Clomid to have a stronger ovulation, taking Lovenox as soon as a pregnancy is confirmed, and making sure my progesterone is staying up will hopefully work for us. It is so hard to have four losses and not know the cause!

In case anyone is curious, here is my list of medications: Metformin 500 mg, prenatal vitamin, Aspirin 81mg, Synthroid 25 mcg and when I am trying to get pregnant Clomid 50 mg days 5-9. If I am lucky enough to become pregnant again, I will be on this same list of medications as well as Lovenox. I think this is a good game plan. I am confident that my Dr will be able to figure out a formula that will work for me. I absolutely love her,and stand by my decision 100% for her to continue my care instead of the RE. She really is wonderful. I think part of this is because before she conceived her only daughter she struggled with infertility as well.

All systems are a go! Wish us luck. I have noticed that lots of ladies have gotten their BFPs, and a lot of y’all are having twins! I am really hoping everyone’s good luck rubs off on me, and that this next cycle will be it for us.

I do re-do

Good morning! I know it has been for me. I slept in until 9:00. It snowed here in East Tennessee on Thursday. Even though we only got about two inches and it was melted by yesterday afternoon, I got a snow day on Friday! This means I get a four day weekend since Monday is a holiday. Yay! I am going to post my pic of me in the dress! Sorry for the head-chopping.(Apparently foot-chopping too, the dress is tea-length) I wanted to keep at least a little semblance of anonymity for this blog. (yes I know I already posted a pic with my face) Anyway, without further ado, I present to you the dress. If you are curious, here it is on someone skinny. Also, this was just the trying on phase, my actual dress will fit me better.

 2-3C025D68-73527-800

Also if you are curious, I picked out my shoes too!

IMG_20130119_093237

It is hard to tell from the picture but the shoes match the sash. Also here is a picture of what my rings will look like after I upgrade them. The diamond in the center is my original engagement ring. The rest is just a tiny little bit of extra bling.

IMG_20130119_095612

I think it will end up looking very pretty when they are done. We are not going to upgrade his ring because we already did that a couple of years ago when he decided he would rather have a tungsten carbide ring instead of white gold.

My next goal is to figure out how I want my hair and make-up. I need to visit a florist in town as well.  I already found someone to take pictures for us. We also found out this week that if we want to do this on the day of our anniversary it wont be until 7:30 pm. I am not a fan of this since our family will be driving 3 hours to get here and that would mean they would be getting back very late. They can’t stay because it is a Sunday and some of them have to work the next morning. We asked if it was possible for our pastor to do the ceremony that Saturday and we still haven’t heard back. So we will see.

I am also going to have food catered in to our house for after the ceremony, so I have to decide what I want. At the moment I am thinking Moe’s. I am in the process of figuring out invitations, but I can’t really do anything until I have a date set in stone. I am also getting paper lanterns to release. I think that’s it.

When we met with our pastor we decided to share with him about our losses. He was very kind about it, and prayed with us. He and his wife have had two miscarriages this year. I can’t wait to find out what my Dr says at our appointment on Monday. I hope she found out what is wrong with me.

Talk to y’all soon! ❤

 

 

 

Lately

We couldn’t bear to take down the tree on Monday with all that happened that day. We pretty much spent it sitting together on the couch talking about Violet. We both felt extremely guilty. I felt guilty because she had been acting strange for the last six months. I really thought it was because she wasn’t getting along with Penny. He felt guilty because she wanted to eat Penny’s food last week and he didn’t let her.

We are going to be moving. We will rent a house that is closer to my new job and his job as well. He doesn’t mind 30 minute commute, but I do. We had planned on moving out that way anyway. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. We really want to build a home in the area within the next year or two. We will see.

As far as TTC is concerned, we are benched again. I got a call from my Dr’s office on Thursday. They went ahead and tested my TSH while they were at it. The nurse said that everything looked good except my TSH level was a little off. She didn’t explain it to me on the phone because she said my Dr would like to set up an appointment to talk to me in person. This worries me a little because I know it has to do with my thyroid. I have had it tested in the past, right before we started TTC the first time and everything looked normal. It just concerns me because she wants to talk about it in person rather than over the phone. I just have a bad feeling. My appointment isn’t until the 21st.

The good news is, I do have something to look forward to in between now and the 21st. My birthday! This year my birthday falls on 01-13-13. That in itself is kind of neat, but also I am super excited because we are going to see West Side Story! I so wish we could still go on our trip to Disney next week. I am still glad for the way things worked out though. Now that I am working we can afford to buy the new Mustang sooner, and now I am not spending the entire day in my bed in my pjs feeling sorry for myself for not being able to have a baby.

As far as vow renewal planning goes, I still have only bought my dress and nothing else. We are STILL waiting for the  pastor to set a time when we can come talk about it. I understand that he is extra busy around the holidays. I just want to make sure that we can get the date since we would love to do it on our anniversary. Also I need to know how much we are going to be charged to use the church so that I know how much I can spend on other little details.

Well that’s all for now. Talk to y’all later.

Saying Goodbye

We had to let her go. She had liver failure and she was suffering. It was so hard to do, but I know it was the right thing to do. Hubs and I both had tears in our eyes as we said goodbye. RIP my sweet Violet.

IMG_20121231_151948

 

 

Nope

Tested this morning. BFN! I am 11 DPO today and should at least get a faint line. I am out this round. We are about to take our sweet kitty to the vet, say a little prayer for her. I am not sure she will be with us much longer.

Helllloooo!

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. On the way home I started to get very nervous about seeing my SIL. She is 16 weeks now and I knew she would be starting to show. I told my husband in the car that I don’t want to hear my MIL complain about being worried she will never get to see the baby since it is still a sensitive spot for me. I can’t listen to that when I know there is a possibility that we wont even be able to have one.

It actually didn’t end up being as terrible as I thought. We headed to Nashville the day before Christmas Eve. We stayed the night at the in-law’s. Christmas Eve we went to my Granny’s. I went early to help her get ready. I haven’t been able to do that the last five years because I worked at the bank and we had to work Christmas Eve. Then I always had to be back at work the day after Christmas. Not having enough time always caused  hubs and I to fight. His only family in Tennessee is his immediate family, no grandparents or aunts and uncles. My whole family is here. I grew up living down the street from my grandparents. And my parents are divorced. This creates a lot more stops to make for my side. It makes it seem unfair to him.

We had a blast on Christmas Eve! My grandpa got remote control helicopters. We had so much fun playing with them! We ate some really good food. I spent the entire day there, then we went back to my in-law’s. On Christmas Day I went over to my Aunt and Uncle’s for breakfast. I had a good time there too, but my nerves were starting to kick up again because I knew it wouldn’t be long before it was time to be back at the in-law’s where my SIL would be.

I got back to their house and they pulled up right after I did. I was hoping I could keep myself together. When we all got inside it was great! I was nervous for nothing. I wasn’t even upset at all. I even touched her bump and said hi to my little niece or nephew. I think it is a girl, but we will know for sure on Jan. 9. It was just wonderful. We headed back afterwards and went straight to bed. I slept so good!

The next day we went and saw Les Miserables. I really liked it. I had two favorite parts. When Anne Hathaway sang “I Dreamed a Dream”. SPOILER ALERT!!!!! Her spin on it was so different from the other versions I have seen. It is usually more reminiscent, and lighter. The way she sang it was so dark, and much more emotional. It brought tears to my eyes. It was really amazing. I have seen some reviews that say she can’t sing, but in my opinion, it was good. My second favorite part was when Eponine sang “On my Own”. That is my favorite song.

In other news, I noticed at work the week leading up to ovulation I was peeing a lot. I am guessing that can be a side effect of the Clomid? I got a positive OPK on CD 16. That was December 20th. This entire week I have been going crazy! I have been thinking everything is a symptom of pregnancy. I have about lost my mind! I started testing at 8 DPO. Somebody stop me! I am obsessed. I know it is too freaking early. In my previous pregnancies I have never had a positive test before 11 DPO. I thought I had a faint line yesterday, but I think it might have been an evaporation line.

Last night I had a dream that my SIL was carrying a toddler and was already pregnant again, and there we were still with no baby. This morning I told hubs that I don’t think we are this time. I know I am not out until AF arrives, which should be by Wednesday. I just have a feeling that I am not, even after all the obsessive testing. I went on Thursday and had my mid-cycle bloodwork done. I haven’t gotten the results back, but I am sure my progesterone is low.

We are still keeping all of this a secret from friends and family. I almost spilled my guts to my best friend this week, but I managed to keep my lips zipped. I was hoping that I would be able to make an announcement at our vow renewal ceremony, but since it didn’t work this time I don’t think I will be far enough along to share the news if it does happen before then. I officially bought my dress! I will try to post a picture soon. I also picked out a new ring. I am going to upgrade. I am keeping my original diamond, but I am adding more diamonds around it. I think it will end up being very pretty.

I am going to test again tomorrow at 11 DPO, even though I know it will most likely be negative. I will keep y’all  updated.

Update

Let the hot flashes commence. I started Clomid today. We are standing by our decision to keep this to ourselves. It is taking so much of the pressure off! We have been doing a little soul-searching lately. We have decided to stop planning our lives around having a baby. If this experience has taught us anything, it is that we don’t get to decide when to have a baby. I am going to stop keeping a room in my house empty, ready to be a nursery. I am going to put stuff in it! I might even make it into a library. We have also decided that when we purchase our new car we will be getting what we want, not basing it off of whether or not it can comfortably seat a whole family. I can’t keep my life at a stand still waiting for something that might not happen right now. If by some miracle we are able to conceive and carry to term, then we will adjust. Adoption is still an option for later. We are just going to focus on being a couple, being in love, having fun, and being as selfish with our money as we want to be.

Monday was my first day back to work. To say that this week was busy is an understatement. Of course my first week of work had to fall on a week where I had both of my evening classes instead of just the one. I had three weeks to read a book and write a four page paper on it. I didn’t like the book very much, so I was dragging my feet with getting it done. I finished the book on Sunday, then on Monday after my first day of work I spent the evening staring at a blank screen in Word. Tuesday I had class, didn’t get home until 10:30. Went straight to bed so that I would be able to get up for work on Tuesday. Wednesday evening after work I had to finish that paper since it was due Thursday. By midnight I was finished. Thursday after work I went to class. Luckily she let us out at 9:15 ish. Friday at lunch time I was barely hanging on. My period also came this week. At least I know how bad it can be at the beginning of this new phase. I know I can handle it. I can’t worry too much about if my house is spic and span, I have to maintain a balance. Hubs also said he would start helping out with the house chores since I am a working woman now.

Saturday was my friend’s 30th birthday, the one who had the preemie. Her parents, aunts and uncles, and hubs and I had a little surprise shindig for her at her house. I think she had a good time. Her mom had a migraine the night before so she didn’t really stay long, but I told her I really didn’t mind staying to help clean up. Plus I got to snuggle with the babe more since everyone had already left. Hubs helped her husband hang their Christmas lights on the house. They were so grateful for his help.

This morning was the Christmas program at church. We were running a little bit late. When we walked in there were no seats left. Just the bleachers in the back. Meh. I do think it is good that attendance was up. On the way out our pastor said that he is still planning on sitting down and talking with us about our vow renewal, he has just been extremely busy with the holiday stuff. He also just bought a house and has been moving. I don’t mind waiting until after the holidays to sit and talk about it. I still haven’t gone and bought my dress yet, but I will soon. My grandmother is trying to talk me out of it. She doesn’t want me to spend the money on it. It isn’t that much compared to some dresses I have seen. ($600) She said that she paid $300 for my aunt’s wedding dress, and it got sent to the Goodwill. I told her I am going to keep mine. She doesn’t understand that this is the one traditional thing that I want to do for my renewal ceremony that we didn’t do when we got married. I might even buy a cedar hope chest just for my dress. And put it in the empty room in my house. So there.

Well, the buzzer for the clothes in the dryer just sounded. Laundry awaits. Talk to y’all soon. ❤